In March of 2014 I went for a routine ultrasound for my second pregnancy and found out that my unborn child had several anomalies. A blood test confirmed that my child had trisomy 18. Although I am pro-choice politically, I carried my daughter to term. She was born on August 8, 2014 and lived for about one hour. This blog is my offering to the mother or family member who is searching for some comfort, some words that might help her walk through the most difficult moments of her life. Those five long months of pregnancy knowing that my child would not live long (with a range of possibilities from stillborn to a life of a few minutes, hours, days or weeks) was maddening. There were moments when I thought that I would not make it intact from the hormones urging me to nest while I made phone calls to hospice and planned an infant funeral with our priest. It is my intention that this blog will offer some comfort and some hope. My daughter, Mary Rose, has changed my life and although some do not acknowledge her existence, I number her among my children always. It is my hope that my grief and difficult journey are being transmuted into Light and Love, into something beautiful and sacred. My memoir Walking the Labyrinth of My Heart: A Journey of Pregnancy, Grief and Infant Death was published by White Flowers Press in May 2016.
Photo by Sindy Strosahl